Steelmanning Geocentrism and Young Earth Creationism

Sort of joking sort of not

1 Introduction

She had problems with the gospel liars
So she bought some fuel and then she started fires
She had problems feelin' awful sleepless
So she bought a shovel and she buried secrets

Honey, I'd say crazy doll but you've got something different
I'd say complicated but that's your kind of rhythm
I'd say lost and you'd say love
But you're crazy not to see that you're crazy just like me

—"Crazy” by Burn the Ballroom.

What are the most wildly sneered-at views among moderns with a scientific background? Two that come to mind immediately are young earth creationism and geocentrism—the notion that the earth is the center of the universe. For this reason, I thought I’d try my hand at defending these views!

I ended up concluding my arguments for them were a lot better than I expected. The argument for geocentrism in particular, while feeling like a bit of a rickroll, is…maybe right? And the other one isn’t as crazy as I’d thought. So without further ado, here is my attempt to defend the beliefs of thirteenth century peasants!