List of Jokes and Bad Puns

All of these are incredibly funny

1. People who believe in eugenics shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce.

2. When people say they want to keep our relationship platonic, I present the Benacerraf Field challenge.

3. Deontology corrupts. Absolute deontology corrupts absolutely.

4. The modal ontological argument.

5. Dick Cheney has allegedly found a country that he would not like to bomb.

6. If my friends were all jumping off a bridge I would too, for Auman’s agreement theorem reasons.

7. UN blasts Un, regarding missile testing, wherein Un blasts UN. \

8. An economics professor is in a car driven by one of his students; she asks him to put on his seat belt.
   
   "Why do you want me to put on my seat belt?"
   
   "To make it less likely that you will be injured in an accident."
   
   "Then why don't you take yours off?"
   
   (From Allen Sanderson)

Stolen from David Friedman.

9. Opponent of intellectual property law’s ideas turn out to be stolen from others

10. The U.S. government bombs small children. For moral uncertainty reasons, I think abortion is less bad than murder, because it’s status is unclear. Thus, on average, taxation is murder and abortion is theft.

11. The zoo director noticed that one of the elephants was coughing. So he decided to add vodka to this elephant's bucket of water. The next morning that elephant was completely healthy, but the other three elephants began to cough.
    
    (Russian joke, contributed by Anna Krupitsky on FB a few days ago)

Other David Friedman joke, from the same article

12. Left-handed people on average live longer than people who die at birth.

13. Pig’s boxing strategy deemed ham-fisted

14. Faculty for moral perception deemed sense of Huemer

15. If I were an animal, I’d be a bug—statistically. (Stolen from David Sposito)

16. Kliman argues against Marx’s theory of how the rate of profit changes. His critics are deemed Kliman change deniers.

17. Linguists dispute tense

18. New drug cartel could shift the balance of powder.

19. Man set on fire—deemed torcher.

20. Torturing infants for fun considered harmful.

21. The best joke about declining marginal utility is always the first one.

22. Gay wedding cakes shouldn't have to decorate flowers for homophobic bakers.

23. One thing Anaxagoras got right is that the sun exceeds the Peloponnese in size.

24. (not a joke, but a quote). “Mars is essentially in the same orbit…Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.”– Dan Quayle

25. Deontology should be safe, legal, and rare.

26. Other funny quote. “"these are experimental surgeries that do not have any track record and not only do they not have any track record the track record they do have is uh wildly unconvincing" --Ben Shapiro.